Confusion..

I've been trying to write something new for a very long time..every time i start a new post i end up deleting it..it's frustrating not to be able to open up and let go of your feelings, that's not me, i can usually get whatever i want to say right out in the open. Maybe this reflects some kind of confusion inside me..sometimes i feel like i'm very tiny and wandering in a humungous, dark maze..i see so many doors ahead of me..but i ignore them, i dn't even try to look at them. They're not what i'm looking for..i know what i'm looking for but i can't put my finger on it..i'll know it when i see it. i'm sure of that..I just don't know where to look..or if i should look at all..maybe it will come to me..maybe it's actually right under my nose, but i can't see it..ooh..i don't know.

sometimes i wonder if i'm making such a big deal out of this..but then i say..but it IS a big thing..at least to me it is. Others see it as something i shouldn't be so concerned about..then again..they're not in my place, with my personality, my life, my experiences..so who are they to judge what i should and should not be thinking about.

Right now i'm sitting at my desk, with a blanket on my legs..drinking a steaming cup of herbal tea, rosemary to be precise! it's freezing today, i'm wearing everything i could stuff under my pyjamas!!
When i'm drinking a hot drink on a cold day, i don't like to drink from the side of the mug, i like to hold it with both hands and drink from the side opposite from the handle..

My dad and brother just called me from kuwait..i'm very happy they called :)

anyway..i feel so much better now than when i started writing..and i'm glad i managed to get something down..i feel free and light. i feel like i'm sitting down with my bestfriend and having a warm heart-to-heart chat..this feels good.

What doesn't feel good tho, is that i've got an exam on tuesday! i've got a final in consecutive translation..the most unpredictable exam i ever had! i could be very well prepared and yet get tongue-tied when it's my turn to translate! :'( GOD HELP ME!

ok then..
i'll go now..