Party Animal!!

My translation exam was WICKED!!! seriously, thank God i did well. That was like a huge rock off my chest. Funny thing is, i wasn't worried about this exam..i mean not that much anyway, but right before it was my turn, my stomach did jumping jacks and went all crazy!! But it went fine and i'm so relieved for that!

I've got two literature exams on sunday tho..but i'm not so tense about them because i got used to literature exams! i've taken 7 literature courses throughout the last 3 years.

Then i've got an enviromental awareness exam on tuesday..and that's the last of my worries for this semester! GOD! i need a break so badly. I can't wait to go WILD! and i will, my university best friend's getting engaged and we're having a girl's party one or two days after the actual ceremony (sort of like a wedding shower..an engagement shower i guess). it's really an exciting affair for me especially because i'll go over at 10 am and help prepare for the night. I love being around before the actual event, and after everyone's gone :)

ok then..that's all i've got time for now, but i'll be back soon :)

and quoting from my fav. cartoon company: "That's all folks"

Buenas noches mi amigos ;)

Pumpkin Face..

When i woke up today, i knew what i was going to see when i look into the mirror..puffy eyes and puffy cheeks..pumpkin face in other words! i knew it was coming because last night, when i went to bed, i tossed and turned, i just couldn't sleep at all..i got out of bed and snuck outside to the living room, i went to one of my favorite spots, a small lamp was on and the rest of the house was asleep..the perfect setting to sort my thoughts out and just stare into space without someone barging in every 5 seconds. The best word to describe the room is "tranquil", i love this word, it carries it's own meaning..simply saying it relaxes me. Anyhow..so i sat outside and started (or rather continued) thinking..two minutes later i burst out crying like nothing could stop me. i just cried on and on..i was worried i would wake them up, i like being alone at these times. a couple minutes later my eyes started puffing up and i knew what i was going to have to face in the morning! Most thing i'm thankful for is that i've got a day off today, so i don't have to go out! that wouldn't be too nice!!

Surprizingly, i woke up today all happy and laughing! i guess it was letting out all those stacked up emotions that helped :) The problem i have still exists..but at least i'm not feeling as bad as yesterday.

I also talked very briefly about it with a friend, i didn't want to go into detail because..well..i just didn't. But after talking a little i felt so much better..i'm glad..i just wish i could sit down with someone and spill out my heart..you just can't do that those days, can you?

I've got an exam tomorrow, and for the first time in, like, 3 years i'm feeling so neutral about my finals..like they're a stupid quiz or something..i don't know why, i guess it's just the pressure..

I've just watched a debate between muslims (arabs & non-arabs) and non-muslims about the issue of freedom of speech..i really enjoyed it so i added the video here, you can find it at the bottom of this page. the first one is only a clip from the whole thing, and the second is much longer, it's the whole debate. Hope you enjoy it like i did. However, i did feel that it could have been more effective; what i don't like is that they're focusing on tiny details at certain parts that just waste time. But nevertheless, i enjoyed watching it :) i love debates.

ok then..i'll go read some for tomorrows exam and God help me!

take care..

More Confusion...

I just took a steaming shower, it's the best way to let all the thoughts and burdens that are screaming around in my head to go down the drain with the hot water..it felt so good..but for some reason, it wasn't as effective as it usually is. i came out only feeling 5% better..i usually feel 50% better, and whatever problems are on my mind seem like a world away. a steaming shower does wonders for your psychology..there's some secret behind it!

you know what the worst part about my situation is..i can't talk with anyone about it..i mean, not that it's unusual or anything..but most of the people around me don't have that problem..and besides, all in all, people just love to minimize your problems when you talk about them..i don't know if it's a way of comforting you, like they want to tell you don't worry it's no big deal..or because ppl always look at the problems of those around them as insignificant compared to their own worries..whatever the reason it just pisses me off. seriously, if a friend comes to me to talk about something, then it MUST be important to them, and it must be a source of pain for them..then how on earth could i just simply dismiss it as if they were a little kid telling me that their favorite toy is broken. when someone comes to me to vent or look for a solution, i listen, i consider what they say, and i react with them and their emotions. i put myself in their shoes and imagine what they must be feeling. i don't just tell them "why are you making such a big deal out of this?!" or "Get over it, it's nothing" that's such an insulting and painful thing to hear from someone u trusted enough to talk to. even if it is true that their problem seems like no big deal to u, the fact that they came to you is enough reason that you should listen to them with respect. personally, when i've got a problem, or something's on my mind, i don't go and talk about it right away, i only do that when i've done everything else i can to solve my issues on my own. so for me, it is a huge thing to go and talk with someone about a problem of mine, it means a lot to me how they react, and it also means that i really trust and respect that person..so how could someone whom you've put all your trust and respect into minimize your problem so much and make u feel like an idiot for worrying about sth like that?

i'm tired...

Confusion..

I've been trying to write something new for a very long time..every time i start a new post i end up deleting it..it's frustrating not to be able to open up and let go of your feelings, that's not me, i can usually get whatever i want to say right out in the open. Maybe this reflects some kind of confusion inside me..sometimes i feel like i'm very tiny and wandering in a humungous, dark maze..i see so many doors ahead of me..but i ignore them, i dn't even try to look at them. They're not what i'm looking for..i know what i'm looking for but i can't put my finger on it..i'll know it when i see it. i'm sure of that..I just don't know where to look..or if i should look at all..maybe it will come to me..maybe it's actually right under my nose, but i can't see it..ooh..i don't know.

sometimes i wonder if i'm making such a big deal out of this..but then i say..but it IS a big thing..at least to me it is. Others see it as something i shouldn't be so concerned about..then again..they're not in my place, with my personality, my life, my experiences..so who are they to judge what i should and should not be thinking about.

Right now i'm sitting at my desk, with a blanket on my legs..drinking a steaming cup of herbal tea, rosemary to be precise! it's freezing today, i'm wearing everything i could stuff under my pyjamas!!
When i'm drinking a hot drink on a cold day, i don't like to drink from the side of the mug, i like to hold it with both hands and drink from the side opposite from the handle..

My dad and brother just called me from kuwait..i'm very happy they called :)

anyway..i feel so much better now than when i started writing..and i'm glad i managed to get something down..i feel free and light. i feel like i'm sitting down with my bestfriend and having a warm heart-to-heart chat..this feels good.

What doesn't feel good tho, is that i've got an exam on tuesday! i've got a final in consecutive translation..the most unpredictable exam i ever had! i could be very well prepared and yet get tongue-tied when it's my turn to translate! :'( GOD HELP ME!

ok then..
i'll go now..