NB: This post is from a few days ago, I typed it up on Word but forgot to publish it the next day.
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When I try to think of what people really want out of life, I find myself lost. Is it only one thing, a single universal goal for all humanity; or are people’s goals as unique and individual as they are. Ultimately, when we find out what people want, we can decode their actions. After all, no one acts out of nothing; there has to be some motive behind that action. Conducting a research like that, to find out people’s goals and moving force in life will probably be quite a shocker. Or not. My guess is that no matter how different people seem to be they will end up being classified into groups. Some people want acceptance, others want respect, some seek God’s love. Many people, I’m sure, will be strongly moved by the Green Stuff, the big bucks. Bloody surprise! It is, however, unfair to judge anyone by their goals, desires, dreams, or actions because all of these are changeables. Sure enough, they define a person and who they are, but nevertheless, no one has the right to cast judgements at anyone else unless they themselves are perfect (which of course is impossible). Now, by judge I strictly mean negatively assessing someone else; and that’s a very awful thing to do, now isn’t it?
I reckon I’ll start asking people from now on what they really want out of life. I must get it out of my system.
Anyhow, when I’m really upset or engrossed in something I can’t sleep at night. I usually make myself something hot to drink (Yes, even in the summer!) and watch TV and/or write and/or stare out the window (providing I have one close enough and at eye level!!) I find those things help me either think about what’s bothering me, or avoid thinking about them (how ironic). One thing I didn’t mention though, is that a lot of the times too, I start pacing slowly around the house, as if I’m taking a little walk in my own imaginary garden. So tonight is one of those times. I’m pacing in the dark, eyes swollen, nose red. The issue on my mind isn’t that huge, but I was misunderstood and haven’t had a chance to explain myself (thanks to someone’s rushed replies and unwillingness to listen), that really gets on my nerves. So I start to think after a few hundred paces “why am I like that? What is it exactly that I’m holding onto so strongly that would get me crying like that after I had one of the most cheerful days ever?” I mean, you have to wonder how you could transform completely from one state of mind to another within a few seconds only because you felt you lost something you hold so dear to you. In my case, as I’m sure you’re probably wondering by now, it was self-reliance and independence. Most of you don’t know me since I was a kid, but as far as I can recall I’ve always wanted to do things on my own. My mum tells me stories on how I would never let her do anything for me and how I’d try to get it on my own first and THEN asking for help if I fail. Not such a bad thing, really, considering the fact that I also love to rely on certain people for certain things when I feel it is right. But I would never let myself get to the stage where I always have to rely to others and can’t get my life sorted out on my own. So really, as independent people go, I’m not so bad. But as an independent kid, teen, and young woman, I so badly need to get it through to my folks that there are certain things that could be done with me that will get me to do everything they want me to do and vice versa. But that’s a different story.
Actually, when you give it a little thought you will come to conclude that most of the arguments that occur between people are not what they seem at all. Most probably what happens to keep those things on fire is that they each strike each other’s chords and touch something that really threatens the other person’s existence so they keep going back and forth trying to prove themselves right. To validate their being. To validate their universe.
So long for now, dad’s home from work and we’re having supper together. Midnight supper.
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When I try to think of what people really want out of life, I find myself lost. Is it only one thing, a single universal goal for all humanity; or are people’s goals as unique and individual as they are. Ultimately, when we find out what people want, we can decode their actions. After all, no one acts out of nothing; there has to be some motive behind that action. Conducting a research like that, to find out people’s goals and moving force in life will probably be quite a shocker. Or not. My guess is that no matter how different people seem to be they will end up being classified into groups. Some people want acceptance, others want respect, some seek God’s love. Many people, I’m sure, will be strongly moved by the Green Stuff, the big bucks. Bloody surprise! It is, however, unfair to judge anyone by their goals, desires, dreams, or actions because all of these are changeables. Sure enough, they define a person and who they are, but nevertheless, no one has the right to cast judgements at anyone else unless they themselves are perfect (which of course is impossible). Now, by judge I strictly mean negatively assessing someone else; and that’s a very awful thing to do, now isn’t it?
I reckon I’ll start asking people from now on what they really want out of life. I must get it out of my system.
Anyhow, when I’m really upset or engrossed in something I can’t sleep at night. I usually make myself something hot to drink (Yes, even in the summer!) and watch TV and/or write and/or stare out the window (providing I have one close enough and at eye level!!) I find those things help me either think about what’s bothering me, or avoid thinking about them (how ironic). One thing I didn’t mention though, is that a lot of the times too, I start pacing slowly around the house, as if I’m taking a little walk in my own imaginary garden. So tonight is one of those times. I’m pacing in the dark, eyes swollen, nose red. The issue on my mind isn’t that huge, but I was misunderstood and haven’t had a chance to explain myself (thanks to someone’s rushed replies and unwillingness to listen), that really gets on my nerves. So I start to think after a few hundred paces “why am I like that? What is it exactly that I’m holding onto so strongly that would get me crying like that after I had one of the most cheerful days ever?” I mean, you have to wonder how you could transform completely from one state of mind to another within a few seconds only because you felt you lost something you hold so dear to you. In my case, as I’m sure you’re probably wondering by now, it was self-reliance and independence. Most of you don’t know me since I was a kid, but as far as I can recall I’ve always wanted to do things on my own. My mum tells me stories on how I would never let her do anything for me and how I’d try to get it on my own first and THEN asking for help if I fail. Not such a bad thing, really, considering the fact that I also love to rely on certain people for certain things when I feel it is right. But I would never let myself get to the stage where I always have to rely to others and can’t get my life sorted out on my own. So really, as independent people go, I’m not so bad. But as an independent kid, teen, and young woman, I so badly need to get it through to my folks that there are certain things that could be done with me that will get me to do everything they want me to do and vice versa. But that’s a different story.
Actually, when you give it a little thought you will come to conclude that most of the arguments that occur between people are not what they seem at all. Most probably what happens to keep those things on fire is that they each strike each other’s chords and touch something that really threatens the other person’s existence so they keep going back and forth trying to prove themselves right. To validate their being. To validate their universe.
So long for now, dad’s home from work and we’re having supper together. Midnight supper.
