YES

I just had an epiphany, a personal epiphany. I had always thought to myself, when I get married I HAVE to get married to an open-minded, easy-going guy. I’ve always had the problem of being the only one in my family who enjoys spur-of-the-moment activities, and loves making a decision to go out or do something without having previously planned for it. It was my dream to live my life like that, and to me it seemed like since my family aren’t like that, my only hope is in the guy I marry. Well, you're probably wondering why I can't be like that in my own life, not depend on someone. Seeing as we live in a society and all our actions inevitably affect the people we interact with,to some extent, it would be – at times – awfully selfish to just decide to go out or do something all of a sudden when the people you live with aren’t like that; especially when your life is interwoven with theirs.

Anyhow, as you may have noticed in my Bookworm section, I’m reading Danny Wallace’s Yes Man, and as much as I’ve been enjoying the book and writer’s style (to the extent that I sometimes wake up my mom with the sound of my laughing!), I’m finding it a little difficult to completely embrace the details to be learned by the events. However, I picked up the book just a few moments ago, I’m in bed all tucked in and happy and I start to read. I’m not really sure which line I stopped at so I go over a little bit of the page. I come across a paragraph I realize I've already read before, but didn’t give that much attention to, here’s a few sentences (the section in blue is what really inspired me, the rest of the text is just to keep it in context):

I had been genuinely inspired by my short time with Marc. He was someone brave
enough to just let things happen. To roll with the punches. To go where the wind
took him. And he’d changed my attitude, somewhat. I realized, slowly, that I’d been treating Yeses like they were against me. That they were challenges to be overcome. That they were things I could fail. In actual fact, they were just part of life. And if I treated
them like Marc did, they would become life.

It feels quite amazing to me really, because just two days ago I read this same paragraph and I was like those Looney Tunes cartoons where an airplane zips over their head and they stand there like the goofballs they are going "Huuh?" ! I, too, realized that I’ve been such an idiot. I’ve been waiting all my life for someone else to be open-minded so I could be like them. I needed somebody’s approval to say yes to opportunities. I know I said I’m the only one in the family who lives by spontaneity – Uh..Big Lie! Well, maybe in my head I do, that’s what I want to be so much. But most of the time I end up being too afraid of actually going through with the things that I decide to do, I chicken out. I get too scared that something will go wrong, or maybe that I’ll be disappointed. So it’s always been a kind of struggle with me, I want to be one way, but I’m too scared to go through with it and maybe the surrounding atmosphere hasn’t been all the best help in that arena. So anyway, I just realized, after reading that paragraph from the book, that in order to have a life of spontaneity, open-mindedness, and loads of opportunities, The one person that I really need to be like that is ME. Everyone knows you can’t fill up a closed bottle with water, and by saying no to every opportunity I’m just tightening the lid on my bottle. It’s like taking the antenna off your radio and then cursing it for not receiving any channels! So it was incredibly inspiring to me when I discovered that I can do something about it and not just wait for someone else to come and scoop me off the land of No-No. It’s quite simple really, if you spend just a week being more open to opportunities then they Will come your way. And of all the chances that get thrown at you, one is bound to be something you’ve been waiting for.

Life is Good. Live it right and it will help you.

Marriage..Yes, Again!

I’ve come to peaceful terms with some of the issues that have been on my mind lately. One being marriage; is it a 9 legged monster that should be avoided at all costs? Or is it, in fact, a rather splendid project that should be approached with an open mind and a lot of love..well, to make a long story short, I’ve come to believe that it is what you want it to be. People will tell you all sorts of horrible stories in attempts to what would seem like they’re trying to drive you away from it. On the other hand when you say you don’t want it anymore, they go absolutely berserk trying to convince you that you absolutely must get married!! Quite stupid I should say. Let’s just say, the people are confused!! Anyhow, I decided that although it is not an easy task, surfing smoothly through marriage is quite a simple one. Be smart. Be honest. Be yourself.

Alright then..toodles.

To Cook...Or Not To Cook

I have reached this point in my life where I must think what I want to do. I am free to become whatever my heart desires. Well, anything except maybe a dentist. It’s a long story. So I wake up every morning, with one question on my mind: who am I? the question may seem irrelevant to the issue at hand, but in order for me to know what I want to do, I should start by knowing who I am. The thing about my situation is, I do a lot of things. That’s a good thing. Or is it? I’ve been drinking tonnes of water lately, but that’s another story. If being a multi-talented person is a good thing, I’d say that’s because it gives me the space to do whatever I fancy. On the other hand, it is like you’re the joker in the deck, that blank domino that just goes wherever you want it. I cook, write, paint, design. I’m creative and I love doing adverts. I’m horrible with finances though. I suck at it. I’m most likely to turn a sum into a clever drawing or a recipe than tell you 2 x 2 = 4 (FIY I had to check with my calculator for that!) I’m starting to consider putting math skills as a requirement in my “ideal guy”, someone has to help the kids with homework!

Everytime I start thinking about what I’d love to do with my life, I end up not wanting to do anything at all. I start off with the usual write-down-my-skills-fiasco, and then all hell breaks loose. I want to be this, I want to do that. Suddenly I’m the world’s best designer, cook, restaurant owner, blah blah. It’s thought and time consuming. Not to mention that in the crazy twist of things, I realize it will take me ages before I actually Become any of these things. Maybe I should work freelance. I never really liked the idea of working steady (yes, that too is a long story) so I was kind of not thinking of getting involved in anything at the moment. However, the idea of working from home or working freelance may just be the thing for me.

This just in: Does spending your evenings on your living room couch with your laptop in your lap thinking of where your life is headed actually make you a grown-up? I’m going to be writing a lot about this whole grown-up business those days. It is, after all, the story of my life now. I hear that this is the time you should be starting to think of growing up.

Behold people, I shall soon become a…uh…Big Girl :)

Her Birthday

Today is my mom’s birthday, and for the first time ever I am not 100% prepared with the perfect gift and the perfect wrapping and presentation for it. I got a card and managed to come up with a gift but it just feels so…empty. I usually put a lot of thought into anything I’m bying for someone; it should be something they need, something that will put a smile on their face, something that will make them feel special, and most important, something that they feel is personal, that they know I’ve put my heart into, not just my wallet. Then there’s the presentation of the gift. I make it a deal to set up a display for my gifts. Especially those I give to my parents and brother, since we live at the same house, it’s easier to make a display. Another thing I HAVE to make sure I do – I have to wake up earlier than this person, set up the display wherever they are bound to bump into it the first thing in the morning. One time I put a table with my gift on it for mother’s day right outside the bathroom door! It was quite successful, you could say she literally Bumped into it!! It was fun too, greeting her with a hundred-watt smile at her bed, mentally pulling her out of bed to get up and see the presentation I’ve set up for her. I’m like a little kid again, all bubbly and excited.

My profound interest in putting effort and thought (and money!) into buying and giving a gift is probably a result of something my parents always did with me. They know that I’ve always LOVED surprises, I love them in all shapes and sizes. So whenever there was a special day for me (birthday, graduation, just-being-a-good-girl, whatever it was) they would make sure to put all their cards and gifts on my dresser before I woke up and they knew that the first thing I would do when I wake up is put my specs on and look at that blessed spot! One day, I woke up, it was my birthday, I looked…and my worst nightmare came true..There Was NOTHING! Can you believe it?! It was heartbreaking! And the worst thing is, I have to go out there and act normal! Well, to my pleasant surprise, I realised later on that they wanted to make a little change, and they waited until I got up, went into the bathroom, quickly put all the stuff in there as if it was always there, and continued with their lives as though nothing in the world has changed! Now THAT was a pleasant surprise. And to be honest, it kind of rekindled the element of novelty in the whole parade. I have to say, if there was one thing I learned from my mother, it was to put all your heart and mind into any gift you give to someone. Thanks mom, that is the best gift you could ever give me J

Be The Bigger Man

It makes me quite sad when I read those articles and emails that ask questions about the difference between the two genders in whatever aspect, only to find women lash out at men and vice versa. Generally, I’m not a gender-biased person. Everyone does good and bad. But it really makes me sad when you can’t find one piece of writing in which one gender says anything good about the other. Browsing through today’s paper (and I’m not implying that I actually Read the paper!), I came across a sort of study that asks the question “Which of the two partners is more concerned with the household finances?”. It wasn’t really any surprise to find that the women were calling the men tight and the men saying that all their wives do is squander his money on her petty luxuries.

Does anyone else find it strange that the two people (man & woman) whom God created to be each other’s comfort and safety are the two who have declared the biggest war yet over each other? Seriously, whatever happened to sympathy, empathy, and understanding? Whatever happened to unconditional love between people, to selfless giving and caring? Has everyone become so obsessed and blinded by their selfish love for themselves that they cannot see beyond their own desires and benefits? Does dignity and self-respect mean that people are too proud and arrogant to say “I’m sorry”, “Thank You”, or a truthful “I Love You”? Is that how we really want to live? By seeing that every bad thing or every obstacle is someone else’s fault? Our parents, siblings, peers, teachers, kids..it’s always someone else, isn’t it? Not one time does anyone have enough courage to be the man and say “you know what, never mind who’s fault it is, what matters is that we fix the damage” Is it all of a sudden that everyone just Has To Be Right all the time? I want one true human being to look themselves in the mirror and say out loud that they CAN take the blame when they should, or that they give an apology when it’s due. I won’t claim to be perfect, I’m too arrogant myself sometimes to admit I’m wrong. Sometimes I just won’t take it, especially in front of my parents. Don’t really know why I do that, but I do admit it. I hate it, and it’s one of the things on my list that I’m working on. God help me.

You know what guys? Sitting around mourning what we have come to isn’t really going to get us anywhere..i say we just do something about it, eh? I say we all promise ourselves right now, just to yourself, no one is hearing or judging. Just promise yourself that the next time you find yourself about to start blaming the world for your screw ups, that you’ll stop and do something about it. Stop and Fix The Damage. And the next time you find a normal conversation escalating into an argument, you will be the bigger man and say “our friendship is bigger than that” or “it doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, it’s not the end of the world”. Let us all start to Be The Bigger Man.