My Flower

Walking through the university gate, passing by the flowers and gardens along the way..watching people socialize even though they're half asleep..all the sounds, scents, faces..A scene that I've come to love so much. It's grown on me. It somehow makes me feel safe now, the familiarity of the whole atmosphere just warms me up even on the coldest mornings. There is a certain flower that I particularly love. It looks heavenly to me. A very delicate flower, semi-translucent petals, you can see it's "veins" if you know what I mean..there are so many colors of it..yellow, orange, red, but my favorite is the fuschia/magenta color. It has this deep intense color..it takes you in. Makes you want to reach out and embrace them. The garden isn't exactly at ground level, it is a little like on a hill and the highest point of that hill is the one next to the wall that separates the path we walk on from the garden. So anyway, I was walking this morning, and at one point I realized that I was walking under my favorite flower. I was tempted to reach out and touch it. I was just about to stretch my arm..it was, after all, just above my head. Then a thought occured to me. We don't always do what occurs to us, what we wish for..what we just "want to do". I remembered how when we were children our parents would always tell us "don't touch this" "don't do that" you know, normal parenting! And as a very curious kid I got that a lot..only by the time my mom actually saw me..it was too late!! Aah..good old days :)

I know this particuar situation is trivial..or seems trivial. I mean, I could dramaticize it if I want, like say, for example that certain flowers die (the petals turn brown and dry out) if you touch them..and that when I put my hand on it I will certainly be tempted to pick one (it wasn't just one, like a whole bouquet of them). I knew that picking one would certainly hurt it..because it wasn't going to last long with me. I like drying flowers, but this one is too delicate to dry..it would've shrivelled up.

Anyway, so that brought to my mind how when we start to grow up, we give ourselves certain restrictions, we don't just do whatever comes to our mind. There is, ofcourse, spontaneity; but that's a different story..that's the story of my life. Then there's foolishness, immaturity. Doing something just because you want to, without considering the consequences and reprecussions. I realized, at that very moment under the flower, that this self-control comes with the territory. It comes with growing up and maturing. Some people don't feel it..they just do it. Some people have to train themselves for a long time before they grasp the concept. And of course, there are those people that don't even think about it, and don't really care to. These are the people that we see speeding up in a puddle just to see the water splash..but there are people on the sidewalk, there are other cars on the road. There are people going to work, coming home after a long day, or on their way to big appointment/meeting. This kind of thing would sure as hell piss them off! I realize that you know you have grown up and matured when you find yourself stopping yourself from doing something you know is wrong or in some way painful to others.

It actually feels good to reach that realization.

My dear friends..stop and think before you do or say something that you can never take back, and may hurt someone, even if that someone is yourself. And don't convince yourself that you deserve something just because you want it. Personally I am a very curious person..and the number of things that I would love to try and do and say..they are endless. I'm sure if I let go of myself I wouldn't be a very pleasant person..let me just tell you this: I love experimenting with fire! So if no one else minded..I know my parents will!