Memories..& Diaries :)

I was looking through some old things, trying to find a piece of paper, and I came accross my old diaries and pieces of paper that I'd written thoughts on when I happy or sad. It was a remarkable experience..it was like my whole past was all gathered in a few pieces of paper. In just some words (about 2 notebooks long and a few scattered papers) was my whole childhood and teen life. I laughed out many times at the way I wrote and the things I said when I was about 12 years old. Gosh! Childhood was..well not so long ago that's for sure!

I also teared up some while reading a few of the things I wrote. All the memories of loved ones who have passed away..feeling left out in a crowd of people and not knowing what to do. High school crushes and how stupid and cute they were! It's amazing how you become aware of things now that you were so oblivious to in the past..it makes a world of difference in the way you see things and think about them.

I remembered so many things I had forgotten about myself, and discovered things that I never knew existed..except of course they must have if I wrote about them!

I was always so excited about buying new pens, I would be so anxious to rush home and try them out in my diary..even if i really didn't have anything to write!

It was all so cute, the expressions and catches we had at that age. It was also very real at the time! Everything was such a big deal and seemed like the end of the world if we didn't get this or didn't do that like our friends!

Reading those things also helped me recognize where some of the things I feel or think now come from. It's true that some of the things that happen to you as a child or a teenager stick with you your whole life. Yea..I know..unless you do something to get rid of them..that's another story!

Amongst the stuff I had written, I found a poem I had written..not quite long ago I think. It was something I just scribbled down:

I've asked myself so many times,

what true love is really like.

I've searched so long with hope to find

the core, the heart of this word "love",

I finally realized I've been making one mistake,

All that time, in search for love I've asked not my heart,
but my mind.

If love is, as they say, a pure sensation,

then my mind will never find the meaning I need,

I need to ask my heart for he's the owner

of such a blessing, of honest love.

I've asked my heart long after that, of what it knows of
love;

My heart so young stood blank not knowing much of
love,

I've begged it hard to imagine what the feeling is
like.

After time it felt so bad, for not helping me, for making me
cry.

So then, my heart, I told it, describe the amourous
soul,

Oh dear, it said, what can I say? It is a totally different
world;

To be in love is purity,

To be in love is white,

To give without expecting,

To love without reward,

To feel your beloved's pain, when you are worlds
apart,

To share the joy that's growing and lighting up his
heart.

To put your sorrow aside, to enjoy his honest
smile

And hide your joy and hug him when his heart is sad and
crying,

To love is to always know

You always have a friend, a brother, a parent, and a
child.

To love is to always know

That a hand will dry your tears even before they
fall

That a breeze will cool your heart on the hottest days of
sorrow

That someone will embrace you when they sense the slightest
fear.

To love is to always wish that your beloved is at his
best,

To know that loving something is letting go when you
should.

To be in love is to see the world a beautiful
place,

Because you know that you have someone, no matter what you
face.

At the end of a long tough day, you are home with your
love..in the still of the night.

Everything is quiet, so peaceful, so calm.

Everything is happy, that the lovers reunite.

The only noise around is the longing of the
hearts,

The souls that need each other, that need to feel so
close

This is love...and so much more..

True sensations cannot be described..they must be
felt.