I'm a BIG girl now! :)

Gosh! It's been such a looong time since i last wrote here. It feels bad to just stay away from something you love and enjoy so much because you get too busy. But nevermind, i'm here now :)

This period of time that i've been away has been soo full of...things! they're not really events in the sense, but they're things.

here's how...


For starters, Wednesday 21st February was my 20th birthday. That was the BEST thing that happened to me this year. Not because it's my birthday, but because it's the marker of my launch into a new stage of my life, a new decade that will be so completely different than all the others. i've been doing a lot of thinking and contemplating and pondering on my life and those of the people around me, i've watched myself act and react, love and be loved, cry, laugh, feel lonely, feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world..all at different times, and in some cases, all at the same time! I'm a person who observes very closely. I observe everything that goes on inside me and out. I try to learn from everything, from a situation in the street, from animals, movies, babies, friends..everything. i truly believe that God puts a lesson in everything that happens. One of the most critical things i've been observing in myself these past few years, has been my intellectual maturity. I'll have to admit (and that's not out of pride) that i've never been an empty or airheaded person. So in the past 3-4 years, i've noticed how my reactions and thoughts differ and grow over time, i was very glad about that, i knew this is what maturing and preparing for a new stage in life is. That was, however, something that happened at the back of my head, like a process that never stops, but isn't totally developed yet and so can't fully function. i've made a ton of mistakes in my life, especially those past 3 years, i've been out of one drop into the other. As i always like to do, i'll try to make an analogy for the way i felt..i think the closest thing that describes my state was like someone who's been drunk or drugged for the past 3 years and finally became sober and started realizing what the hell is going on. i know it's not a very pretty image here, but i also know that this is the way i felt.

Now that i look back on all the things that have been going on in my life those past years, i can pinpoint the things i've done wrong and could trace them to certain things ( meaning i could see where they led me to something else). This is such a blessing and a wonderful gift from God.

People..i have learned the one basic truth about people: They will only love you if God is satisfied with your deeds. ok i know that may sound wierd..but you know what. i'm not asking anyone to believe me or be convinced by my words. i'm just saying what i've experienced. We have a Hadeeth that says (that's not the exact wording, but it's the meaning of it) that if God is pleased with you, he will tell his angels to love you, and they will tell people on earth to love you. The same goes with the opposite, if he's not pleased with you, you will notice that your life is going in wierd directions, people are upset with you for no apparent reasons..you're doing things or saying things that you don't really know why you said them..and worst of all..you'll be giving yourself the most lame and stupid excuses to be doing something wrong or not doing the right thing. I am telling you, i have lived this whirlwind for 3 years and you know what? I HATED IT. i didn't know what was going on, and i didn't know what to do..i'm sure i got a lot of signs that i just ignored..but thank God i'm out of that now.

I know it may seem wacky to be just stripping myself of all the nice, friendly, and positive images that people may have about me..but i know that if at least one person could learn from that story and make good use of it, i know that it wouldn't mean a thing to me that the bad side me of shows. Basically, i just know this was a stage in my life that i've learned a lot from, it doesn't stamp me as a bad person at all.

Aside from all that..my mom got me a birthday card that truly touched me heart..if you're thinking she must've wrote some really wonderful things..you're only half right (she did, but that wasn't all!) The BEST part was that the whole card was about CHOCOLATE! It even had a little booklet about chocolate and a recipe for chocolate fondue. i made it yesterday and dipped some strawberries in it...YUMMY! i'll have to admit..chocolate will remain my no. 1 true love!

oh yea and my absolutely most fav. brother sent me a card with this photo of a little boy and a little girl, and the photo was so relevant to this incident that happened way back when we were kids..i loved it..and i loved what he wrote inside even more :) Thank you bro..YOU RULE! ;)

That's it for now..adios amigos :)

PS. I got so many wonderful gifts from my family and friends..i loved them...i just LOVE getting gifts..especially when they're something you needed or something totally unexpected!