e⋅mo⋅tion  [i-moh-shuhn]

–noun

1. any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.

That is, of course, the dictionary’s understanding of the word; but what does a dictionary know? Has it ever experienced love? Anger? Joy? Has it ever felt that it was going to die of happiness or sadness? Honestly, I think that our ability to experience different emotions, some of which are extreme contradictions, is the eighth wonder of the world. It always amazed me how we can feel one thing, and only a few seconds later we could feel something that is the complete opposite. It also fascinated me that how we feel dictates how we see the world around us. Studying our emotions, their effect on us and those around us, and the causing factor behind each emotion has been on my mind for several years now. I thought about taking psychology classes to help me understand better, but I just don’t have enough memory space left in my head to add any unneccessary information! So I decided I’ll make it sort of a life journey, where I observe everything that happens around me and try to understand it. I ask myself all the time why I felt or reacted in a certain way, and why I think other people reacted the way they did in any given situation. All of that, of course, is part of my bigger goal of trying to understand life just a little bit better in hopes that I can produce something to give to the world and help them understand it in a better way. See, I believe that the main reason most of us live unhappily is because we just don’t understand this life we were brought into. When I take a mental (or call it virtual) step out of the universe and try to understand the grand scheme of things and try to put things into perspective, I realize that the rhythm of our lives is a little bit like a game of billiards after the first hit (pardon my lack of technical terminology in the game) and all the balls are running in random directions, hitting each other and their surroundings on the way. They don’t know what happened, why they’re running, or where they’re going..but they continue to run at full speed until something comes along the way that stops them, and everything settles down for what seems like a few seconds, or until the next player decides how to take his shot. Before you know it, everyone is running around again colliding with their surroundings without the slightest idea why they are doing so. I find it very amusing and intriguing that a certain action can provoke certain emotions in someone, but change the circumstances, and that same action can provoke an entirely different reaction in the same person. Why? Why is there no formula or rule that determines how we react to different things. It would make life so much easier, and I guess it would minimize argument and fight rates tremendously if we all understood why the other person is reacting that way. But see, life wasn’t meant to be handed to us on a golden platter, there has to be room for error. It is I who should be more tolerant towards people rather than expect them to react/talk/think exactly as I do. It is my responsibility to forgive others when they do something I see as “overreacting”, because if you think about it, from his/her point of view, their reaction is perfectly normal and it is you who do not understand or sympathise with them.

So I asked myself, if something can make me so angry one time, but when it happens to me again I find myself laughing at it, what does that mean? Why does that happen? Doesn’t it make sense that if something makes me angry today, it will make me angry tomorrow, and everyday as long as it is still happening? Well, not really, I have come to believe that since circumstances are an ever-changing factor, then there must be something else that I can rely on to ensure that I am an emotionally stable person. When I looked at the different factors involved I found that there are three: a) Me, b) circumstances, and c) the other person involved in the incident. Obviously, I have no control over (b) or (c), which leaves me with only myself that I have any real power over. So I finally reached the conclusion that I must have enough self-control and awareness that when something happens to me I know how to react according to what the situation needs, for one thing, and also to make sure that I get the result that I aim to achieve. For example, say I am standing in line at the supermarket waiting to pay, and dying to get home after a long day of work. Then someone comes along and stands infront of you without saying a word. You are shocked and frustrated, what “should” you do and what “will” you do? Notice that what you “should” do and what you “will” actually do may be the same or they could be very different actions. Here, at this very moment, is what decides what kind of person you are, and what kind of life you live. The way I see it, there are three possible actions in such a situation: a) Do nothing, keep your anger inside and take it out on anyone who is smaller and weaker than you; b) Make a scene and yell at the top of your lungs (possibly even adding a few insults in there just to scare him/her away); and c) Take a deep breath, get that person’s attention and tell them that you were standing first and ask them to stand at the back of the line just like everyone else. Hmmm…ok, I know we all know which is the “correct” answer, but what is the honest answer? Well, obviously the answer to what we “should” do would be (c), because (a) is just being negative and weak, and (b) is too aggressive and will probably create a bigger problem (because remember, there is always the chance that this person did not mean to insult you or take your turn – we all do things when we are exhausted and busy without realising what we did, I know I have!). So (c) then, that’s a tough one…to be able to control your emotions to that level and put aside your pride and ego, very difficult right? Wrong! Let me take you back to school, Grade 1 in particular; remember the first time you were taught how to write. The teacher puts a sheet with dots and lines and you have to go over them with a pencil, you’re not used to holding a pencil so to have to go over detailed lines and dots in a specific pattern was, at the time almost impossible to imagine (if you want to remember how difficult it was try writing with your left, or your right if you are left-handed). You might have even decided it was impossible and stupid and you would rather just go play. It is a typical human reaction you know, when we’re faced with something difficult we tend to shy away from it and decide that the problem is not us, we are doing our best, it is that obstacle or whatever that is impossible to tackle. That is, until we try again, and again, and again, until we start feeling that it is becoming easier to do, whereas the truth is that you are just becoming better at it – it is a skill you are training yourself to do and you are getting better and better at it so it seems easier every time. The same concept applies to almost everything you want to learn how to do in your life. At the beginning, you are convinced it is impossible, and may even decide that you shouldn’t try. Then a few times later you find yourself handling things beautifully and smoothly and you look back and wonder why you ever thought it was difficult!! Take it from me, it happens exactly in this order, and you end up laughing at yourself!