Never Bullshit a Bullshitter!

I’ve come to a couple of realizations about myself; a) that I overabuse the phrase “I’ve come to realize” in all it’s forms, and b) that the time of my life that I claimed not be asking or expecting very high standards of the people around me, like my family, it was really only me not bothering to ask my self higher standards. I was slacking, and I wanted to make it seem alright and accepted by saying that these Are my standards; that I’m not the kind of person to ask for much. Scary isn’t it? How you live one way for so long, and then one day, in only a breath of a moment, all of your excuses and explanations just come tumbling down. History. I believe that at the time I was making those excuses, I knew subconsciously that they were just excuses. I knew that I could do better, ask for better. Demand myself to reach my full potential. But it seemed so much easier to Not Go There. This area was like a dark cursed place that I avoided at all costs. It was Easier This Way.

I have this strategy, truth be told I’m not quite sure if it’s any good, but nevertheless I follow it. I reach a point where I say ok, I’ve been pushing myself so hard, I’ve been working a lot. Now I take time off. I give myself the time to relax. For some reason my ‘time off’ seems to always magically stretch! Now it’s a day, then it’s another day. A week. A month. Two months. A year. Believe me, it could stretch up to that sometimes. And the more it does the worse it gets. It becomes this endless cycle and it’s like Groundhog day all over again. Usually, I fight so hard when I’m in one of those cycles. I fight my parents, family, friends, nature, the world. I’m in complete and utter denial over the status I’ve reached. I keep telling myself that I haven’t been like that all that long. I’m just taking a break from blah blah. I need this, I’ve been pushing so hard. Two words: Bull Shit! I once heard this line in the Pink Panther movie, the very last one where Inspector Clousau disappears. This guy (whose name I forgot) tells the reporter who is investigating the disappearance: Never bullshit a bullshitter. Well, exactly, the dude got it just right. If you’re going to stand there with one pocket hanging out and your hair looking like you’ve been mopping the kitchen floor with it and tell me all the lame excuses that I use to give myself the comforting feeling that “I’m still ok” then you could do one of two things: a) keep living that way, or b) get off your behind and actually do something about it!

Ok, maybe that was a little hostile. But hey, you know I still love you, right? Well, I wouldn’t be doing that if I didn’t. Now smile for me, I can’t bear to see you sad. There you go, that’s a very beautiful smile.