Mistakes...

We all make mistakes..we all do, really. Some are big mistakes..some small ones. It's the way life is, no one is mistake-proof. Normally, when we make a mistake start feeling guilty right after it; sometimes we dismiss the guilt..but sometimes it's too powerful to ignore. Again..that's the way life is. Logically, we should learn from our mistakes and not repeat them in the future. That doesn't always happen. In fact, that doesn't happen most of the time. We instinctively perform and repeat whatever action that gives us any form of pleasure, even if it's consequences are sour. The only actions that we do not repeat are those that do not give us any pleasure. For example, putting your hand in the oven while it's on 220 degrees Celcius, or sticking a pin in your finger wouldn't be something anyone would do over and over --except, of course, those who find pleasure in that..which is..well..freaky. But hey, to each his own!!

Basically, we're a species that learns by doing. We do something, we get hurt. Did it feel good? No. So we don't do it again. On the other hand, we might do something else, we get hurt. Did it feel good? Yes, it hurt but something else in that action gave me pleasure. I do it again. I know it will hurt, but it also gives me pleasure.

Now, wait a minute? Are you calling me stupid? What do you mean I'll do something again if I know it hurts? Even if it gives me pleasure, it still hurts..of course I won't do it. Hold it Hold it. CUT. I am NOT calling anyone stupid here. That is human nature. We seek anything that will give us pleasure, and we convince ourselves we can bear the pain, or the consequences.

So why would I do that? I could just do something that gives me pleasure and doesn't have painful consequences. Well, usually that thing that will bear unwanted consequences is wrong, and we know it is. Instinctively, doing the wrong thing is much MUCH easier to do than the right; so whenever we are depressed, in emotional pain, lonely, angry, jealous, frustrated..all that, we seek something to make us feel good. Of course, when you're in a mental state as such, you will look for the easy way out.

So the sequence of thoughts would be:

You're in a negative emotional/mental state --> you're not thinking straight, you want to feel better in any way--> Doing the right thing requires too much effort and hey, you could do it anytime!-->You give yourself an excuse to do the wrong thing because "you're angry, upset, hurt" or you "just want to do it"--> You start doing whatever it is that makes you feel better..all the while thinking "I know this will have consequences, but i don't care, I had to, I'm really tired, I've had it"--> you're done. You did what you were so desperate to do-->instantly, the satisfaction vanishes, the guilt appears.-->Uh Oh! This is the moment, your conscience is on its way, you're gonna get the whipping right now--> You're thinking of more excuses for doing something you knew was wrong, you run out of excuses..you start getting angry at yourself "why did I do this? Why did I let myself? I knew it was wrong, I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't that much fun anyway"-->But ofcourse, you don't admit that to anyone, you only say it to yourself-->Since you can't admit you feel guilty, you start getting short-tempered and angry, you take it out on whoever is around you and start saying "this is nobody's business, mind your own and keep your nose out of mine!"

Some of you will relate to this little story, others have it in another way..but it happens to all of us, one way or another. This doesn't make us bad, as I said, it is only human to make mistakes. BUT..it begins turning from 'human' to 'stupid' when you repeat it indefinitely. You know it hurts you, but you don't take any steps to stop it, you keep repeating it day after day, week after week, cigarette after cigarette, phone call after phone call, look after look..it all depends on what your mistake is..what is it that haunts you around and lurks on your every move..and ambushes you the moment you are weak. And the cycle starts again.


Does this mean we're doomed? Oh no, no way. God is far too generous and loving to leave us like that. First of all, we have the secret weapon of prayer. If we pray, we should know that He will never leave us, even if He responds a little later..there's always a reason for the delay. Second, in our times of strength, we should remind ourselves repeatedly of the pain we suffered from the consequences of our actions, so that in times of weakness it will be easier to remember what it will feel like IF we do this again. It helps, trust me.

Any feedback on this? I'd like to hear your thoughts, perhaps there might be something I could add to this. Thanks.

I've Learned..

Throughout my life, I've learned many many things. Sometimes I appreciate everything I've learned..and sometimes I feel that the sky is falling.

I've learned that the fear of the unknown is one common type of fear that all humans share.

I've learned that it's ok to give yourself a break every once in a while and go against routine and guidelines.

I've learned that the best way to learn how to forgive, is by getting hurt...

I've learned that the best way to live is to be YOU.

I've learned that it's ok when people do stupid things that upset or hurt you..because you've done it too

I've discovered that the best way to learn is by observing

I've come to realize that the more you want something, the longer it will take for you to have it..

I've learned that laughter IS the best medicine

and I've decided that when I get a chance to laugh out loud and forget the whole world..I shouldn't stop myself

I've always believed that friends are so important..make some because you'll need them one day

I've discovered that even if I don't have a bestfriend, or at least a close friend..that I should have a good relationship with EVERYONE I know.

I know that extremism is a foolish way to live.

I've come to believe that getting deeply hurt...is something no one should take lightly, it's important, it matters.

I've discovered that lonliness can drive you crazy, and can push you to weird thoughts and feelings

I've discovered that you can be lonely even if you're surrounded by millions of people who love you. Yes, you can.

I've learned that doing someone a favour is a great thing. But making them feel that it was a favour just takes away the greatness of it.

I've discovered that reading can sometimes be a great way to relieve stress..and so can writing.

Everyone has a story in their life. Everyone. Young and old. Poor and rich. Strong and weak. They all have a story, they all live for something.

I've noticed that the most peaceful time of the day, is when everyone has gone to bed at night and you're all alone in a room lit by a small lamp on your bedside table. It feels good.

I've discovered that for some people, a smile that you give them on your way could change their life for the better. And you thought it was only a smile.

Is it possible for someone to be lonely for the rest of their lives? I wonder..

I've discovered that the way people see you everyday is not close to how you really feel or think inside.

I've learned that we don't only do things because we "want" to, or because we "like" doing them.

I've always believed that perfection only leads to misery. Excellence, on the other hand, is a beautiful concept.

I've discovered that the conflicts we have and the differences that we can't stand in each other, are the most amazing spice of life.

I've learned, discovered, realized..and I have yet to learn.

But will I always..

will I?

I wonder. I really do.

I'm a BIG girl now! :)

Gosh! It's been such a looong time since i last wrote here. It feels bad to just stay away from something you love and enjoy so much because you get too busy. But nevermind, i'm here now :)

This period of time that i've been away has been soo full of...things! they're not really events in the sense, but they're things.

here's how...


For starters, Wednesday 21st February was my 20th birthday. That was the BEST thing that happened to me this year. Not because it's my birthday, but because it's the marker of my launch into a new stage of my life, a new decade that will be so completely different than all the others. i've been doing a lot of thinking and contemplating and pondering on my life and those of the people around me, i've watched myself act and react, love and be loved, cry, laugh, feel lonely, feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world..all at different times, and in some cases, all at the same time! I'm a person who observes very closely. I observe everything that goes on inside me and out. I try to learn from everything, from a situation in the street, from animals, movies, babies, friends..everything. i truly believe that God puts a lesson in everything that happens. One of the most critical things i've been observing in myself these past few years, has been my intellectual maturity. I'll have to admit (and that's not out of pride) that i've never been an empty or airheaded person. So in the past 3-4 years, i've noticed how my reactions and thoughts differ and grow over time, i was very glad about that, i knew this is what maturing and preparing for a new stage in life is. That was, however, something that happened at the back of my head, like a process that never stops, but isn't totally developed yet and so can't fully function. i've made a ton of mistakes in my life, especially those past 3 years, i've been out of one drop into the other. As i always like to do, i'll try to make an analogy for the way i felt..i think the closest thing that describes my state was like someone who's been drunk or drugged for the past 3 years and finally became sober and started realizing what the hell is going on. i know it's not a very pretty image here, but i also know that this is the way i felt.

Now that i look back on all the things that have been going on in my life those past years, i can pinpoint the things i've done wrong and could trace them to certain things ( meaning i could see where they led me to something else). This is such a blessing and a wonderful gift from God.

People..i have learned the one basic truth about people: They will only love you if God is satisfied with your deeds. ok i know that may sound wierd..but you know what. i'm not asking anyone to believe me or be convinced by my words. i'm just saying what i've experienced. We have a Hadeeth that says (that's not the exact wording, but it's the meaning of it) that if God is pleased with you, he will tell his angels to love you, and they will tell people on earth to love you. The same goes with the opposite, if he's not pleased with you, you will notice that your life is going in wierd directions, people are upset with you for no apparent reasons..you're doing things or saying things that you don't really know why you said them..and worst of all..you'll be giving yourself the most lame and stupid excuses to be doing something wrong or not doing the right thing. I am telling you, i have lived this whirlwind for 3 years and you know what? I HATED IT. i didn't know what was going on, and i didn't know what to do..i'm sure i got a lot of signs that i just ignored..but thank God i'm out of that now.

I know it may seem wacky to be just stripping myself of all the nice, friendly, and positive images that people may have about me..but i know that if at least one person could learn from that story and make good use of it, i know that it wouldn't mean a thing to me that the bad side me of shows. Basically, i just know this was a stage in my life that i've learned a lot from, it doesn't stamp me as a bad person at all.

Aside from all that..my mom got me a birthday card that truly touched me heart..if you're thinking she must've wrote some really wonderful things..you're only half right (she did, but that wasn't all!) The BEST part was that the whole card was about CHOCOLATE! It even had a little booklet about chocolate and a recipe for chocolate fondue. i made it yesterday and dipped some strawberries in it...YUMMY! i'll have to admit..chocolate will remain my no. 1 true love!

oh yea and my absolutely most fav. brother sent me a card with this photo of a little boy and a little girl, and the photo was so relevant to this incident that happened way back when we were kids..i loved it..and i loved what he wrote inside even more :) Thank you bro..YOU RULE! ;)

That's it for now..adios amigos :)

PS. I got so many wonderful gifts from my family and friends..i loved them...i just LOVE getting gifts..especially when they're something you needed or something totally unexpected!