Party Animal!!

My translation exam was WICKED!!! seriously, thank God i did well. That was like a huge rock off my chest. Funny thing is, i wasn't worried about this exam..i mean not that much anyway, but right before it was my turn, my stomach did jumping jacks and went all crazy!! But it went fine and i'm so relieved for that!

I've got two literature exams on sunday tho..but i'm not so tense about them because i got used to literature exams! i've taken 7 literature courses throughout the last 3 years.

Then i've got an enviromental awareness exam on tuesday..and that's the last of my worries for this semester! GOD! i need a break so badly. I can't wait to go WILD! and i will, my university best friend's getting engaged and we're having a girl's party one or two days after the actual ceremony (sort of like a wedding shower..an engagement shower i guess). it's really an exciting affair for me especially because i'll go over at 10 am and help prepare for the night. I love being around before the actual event, and after everyone's gone :)

ok then..that's all i've got time for now, but i'll be back soon :)

and quoting from my fav. cartoon company: "That's all folks"

Buenas noches mi amigos ;)

Pumpkin Face..

When i woke up today, i knew what i was going to see when i look into the mirror..puffy eyes and puffy cheeks..pumpkin face in other words! i knew it was coming because last night, when i went to bed, i tossed and turned, i just couldn't sleep at all..i got out of bed and snuck outside to the living room, i went to one of my favorite spots, a small lamp was on and the rest of the house was asleep..the perfect setting to sort my thoughts out and just stare into space without someone barging in every 5 seconds. The best word to describe the room is "tranquil", i love this word, it carries it's own meaning..simply saying it relaxes me. Anyhow..so i sat outside and started (or rather continued) thinking..two minutes later i burst out crying like nothing could stop me. i just cried on and on..i was worried i would wake them up, i like being alone at these times. a couple minutes later my eyes started puffing up and i knew what i was going to have to face in the morning! Most thing i'm thankful for is that i've got a day off today, so i don't have to go out! that wouldn't be too nice!!

Surprizingly, i woke up today all happy and laughing! i guess it was letting out all those stacked up emotions that helped :) The problem i have still exists..but at least i'm not feeling as bad as yesterday.

I also talked very briefly about it with a friend, i didn't want to go into detail because..well..i just didn't. But after talking a little i felt so much better..i'm glad..i just wish i could sit down with someone and spill out my heart..you just can't do that those days, can you?

I've got an exam tomorrow, and for the first time in, like, 3 years i'm feeling so neutral about my finals..like they're a stupid quiz or something..i don't know why, i guess it's just the pressure..

I've just watched a debate between muslims (arabs & non-arabs) and non-muslims about the issue of freedom of speech..i really enjoyed it so i added the video here, you can find it at the bottom of this page. the first one is only a clip from the whole thing, and the second is much longer, it's the whole debate. Hope you enjoy it like i did. However, i did feel that it could have been more effective; what i don't like is that they're focusing on tiny details at certain parts that just waste time. But nevertheless, i enjoyed watching it :) i love debates.

ok then..i'll go read some for tomorrows exam and God help me!

take care..

More Confusion...

I just took a steaming shower, it's the best way to let all the thoughts and burdens that are screaming around in my head to go down the drain with the hot water..it felt so good..but for some reason, it wasn't as effective as it usually is. i came out only feeling 5% better..i usually feel 50% better, and whatever problems are on my mind seem like a world away. a steaming shower does wonders for your psychology..there's some secret behind it!

you know what the worst part about my situation is..i can't talk with anyone about it..i mean, not that it's unusual or anything..but most of the people around me don't have that problem..and besides, all in all, people just love to minimize your problems when you talk about them..i don't know if it's a way of comforting you, like they want to tell you don't worry it's no big deal..or because ppl always look at the problems of those around them as insignificant compared to their own worries..whatever the reason it just pisses me off. seriously, if a friend comes to me to talk about something, then it MUST be important to them, and it must be a source of pain for them..then how on earth could i just simply dismiss it as if they were a little kid telling me that their favorite toy is broken. when someone comes to me to vent or look for a solution, i listen, i consider what they say, and i react with them and their emotions. i put myself in their shoes and imagine what they must be feeling. i don't just tell them "why are you making such a big deal out of this?!" or "Get over it, it's nothing" that's such an insulting and painful thing to hear from someone u trusted enough to talk to. even if it is true that their problem seems like no big deal to u, the fact that they came to you is enough reason that you should listen to them with respect. personally, when i've got a problem, or something's on my mind, i don't go and talk about it right away, i only do that when i've done everything else i can to solve my issues on my own. so for me, it is a huge thing to go and talk with someone about a problem of mine, it means a lot to me how they react, and it also means that i really trust and respect that person..so how could someone whom you've put all your trust and respect into minimize your problem so much and make u feel like an idiot for worrying about sth like that?

i'm tired...

Confusion..

I've been trying to write something new for a very long time..every time i start a new post i end up deleting it..it's frustrating not to be able to open up and let go of your feelings, that's not me, i can usually get whatever i want to say right out in the open. Maybe this reflects some kind of confusion inside me..sometimes i feel like i'm very tiny and wandering in a humungous, dark maze..i see so many doors ahead of me..but i ignore them, i dn't even try to look at them. They're not what i'm looking for..i know what i'm looking for but i can't put my finger on it..i'll know it when i see it. i'm sure of that..I just don't know where to look..or if i should look at all..maybe it will come to me..maybe it's actually right under my nose, but i can't see it..ooh..i don't know.

sometimes i wonder if i'm making such a big deal out of this..but then i say..but it IS a big thing..at least to me it is. Others see it as something i shouldn't be so concerned about..then again..they're not in my place, with my personality, my life, my experiences..so who are they to judge what i should and should not be thinking about.

Right now i'm sitting at my desk, with a blanket on my legs..drinking a steaming cup of herbal tea, rosemary to be precise! it's freezing today, i'm wearing everything i could stuff under my pyjamas!!
When i'm drinking a hot drink on a cold day, i don't like to drink from the side of the mug, i like to hold it with both hands and drink from the side opposite from the handle..

My dad and brother just called me from kuwait..i'm very happy they called :)

anyway..i feel so much better now than when i started writing..and i'm glad i managed to get something down..i feel free and light. i feel like i'm sitting down with my bestfriend and having a warm heart-to-heart chat..this feels good.

What doesn't feel good tho, is that i've got an exam on tuesday! i've got a final in consecutive translation..the most unpredictable exam i ever had! i could be very well prepared and yet get tongue-tied when it's my turn to translate! :'( GOD HELP ME!

ok then..
i'll go now..

People...I'm off to a new start! I feel good about that, and i won't let anything ruin it this time :)


I feel like being on top of a mountain and yelling at the top of my lungs, with the air blowing in my face..not sure what i'll be yelling..but leave that to then! With all the yelling and the wind, i'll probably go home with a sore throat!! :P

The Nightmare of Marriage...Why??

salamu Alaikum guys..how's everyone? doing great i hope :)A topic that has always been widely discussed by EVERYONE in Egypt..men, women, youth, children..absolutely everyone, is the issue of marriage..people talk about all aspects of it, good and bad..and personally, some people just get on my nerves when they talk about it!People here are always encouraging you to get married and they're so happy when you do, that is, as long as you say you don't want to! However, once you do as much as imply that you see marriage as a good thing..all hell breaks loose! all of a sudden everyone starts digging up the worst memories they could to show you that marriage is hell on earth! if you're a girl, they tell you you won't be able to do anything for yourself anymore because you'll be totally devoted to your husband and all that..ok now WAIT A MINUTE! the idea of being devoted or devoting your time to your house and husband isn't as horrible as they make it sound..so why do they make it seem like you'll be on all fours waiting to slave on your husband's wishes and needs?!! That's such a crappy idea! I mean they won't die if every mother sits with her daughter before marriage and explains to her that although her time won't be completely her own like when she was a girl in her parents' house because now she's a part of someone's life, who depends on her in many aspects (and this in itself is something for every wife to be proud of), she will still be able to have fun, go out, do things for herself, and be a human being! would it kill them to do that? why do all the married women in the family find joy in making us girls feel like they're throwing themselves in the arms of a monster who knows no mercy?!And to the guys, his mother and all the women in his family have to convince him that the moment his wife feels that he loves her, she'll take out her broom and cast her spell to take over everything and suck as much money as she can from him! instead of telling him, like Islam teaches us, that the more you love your wife and treat her with mercy and respect, the more she will become devoted to you, and appreciate and admire you.i feel like what i wrote was totally unorganized..but that's because i just came home after spending two hours on the bus because of traffic and rain, and because i'm really fed up about that issue..i try to ignore it, but when it's directed at you it kinda gets you pissed off. i can't recall how many hours i've spent rationalizing with older people that if there's a problem with marriage these days, and no one is happy and everyone's getting divorced..then it's not marriage's fault, it's the people who aren't doing it right..basically my point of view is, who created this marriage? and called it Holy? it's our Creator, Allah, it's God who created it..my next question is, is it logical, or even possible, that He who created us and gave us everything we have, from the systems in our body that keep us alive, to the harmony in nature that makes it possible for us to live in it, is it possible that He would do all that for us, and then create something like marriage to torture us with? personally, it doesn't make sense to me. So if anyone's got a problem with marriage, it's not because the system of marriage is faulty..it's because we don't know how to live with it and implement it the right way..anyone got any thoughts on that? i'd like to know what you guys think..ok then..i'll go mope somewhere else now! i've got so much on my mind and i reaaally need some sleep!take care everyone :)

Will Power

Having will power is something not everyone is blessed with..and those who have it, don't manage to use it all the time..I was just pondering over a conversation i had with a friend about that..so many thoughts crossed my mind and i will try to get most of them down here..i started by thinking, what do we need will power for? why do we have to have this conscience that warns us when we're about to do something that may sometimes be catastrophically wrong..and may, at other times, be a much simpler thing..well..to that, my own consciense answered and told me, if you want to know why i'm here, and why i'm always there in everybody's head, imagine the opposite picture. Imagine if no one had a consciense. Imagine if everyone did everything they ever desired and had no restrictions what so ever..Now, you complain about how sins and vices are so common those days that it's considered "old-fashioned" or futile to even frown upon them. What do you think would be the case if everyone who wanted to cheat, lie, steal, kill, rape, or commit any kind of crime, had the liberty of doing so. Even if you don't care about other people's safety, you will at least, care about your's. Right?So that's as far as why we have a conscience is concerned..Hmm..now that i realize why i have a conscience, another question popped into my head..When i get an idea to do something that i know is wrong, the little voice inside my head keeps telling me not to go through with it, it'll get you in trouble..you know it's wrong. But still, your little devil keeps minimizing the negative side of your action, and magnifying the rosy side, to the extent that you end up believing that you HAVE to do it. Can you see where it suddenly transformed from something that you KNEW was wrong, to something that you're constantly giving yourself excuses for?So here i wondered..what's the use of my conscience then? isn't it supposed to stop me from wrong doing?Again..my conscience took the liberty of answering that one. Here my conscience told me "No! And a BIG NO too! I'm responsible for reminding you and warning you that what you do is wrong..but that's where my role ends..the rest is up to you.."Oh! So then who's going to stop me from doing something wrong?My conscience had a very simple answer for that one..it told me.."when you do a good deed, who do u expect to take the reward and appraisal?" Obviously, i replied that i expected it would be me who should be rewarded.."Ok, and when you do something wrong, would it be fair if someone else is punished?" Of course not, if i do something bad, i should bear the consequences.."why do you believe in that? why should you be rewarded or punished for your actions?" Well, simply because i'm the one who decided, with my own free will, to do them! "Aha! There you go, you just answered your own question! You're the only one who has complete control over your actions, and you're the one who decides whether to do something, or not do it. Then simply, you're the one who should be responsible for stopping yourself from doing something that you know is wrong, and ESPECIALLY that you have ME to remind you, so you can't say i didn't know, or i forgot!"Hmm..that makes sense, doesn't it?I guess even if it seems so easy to say it doesn't, because that would take the responsibility off my back, deep down i would still know it's the right thing..But does that mean that I'm doomed just because i slipped once and did something wrong, even though i knew it was wrong? No, of course not, as long as you acknowledge that you did something wrong, feel true remorse that you did it, and vow never to do it again, then you have to be positive that you're forgiven, and that your wrong-doing was completely erased..not only that, but whatever punishment Allah was planning to give you for your actions, will become a reward for your remorse, and strength and courage to admit you were wrong.Isn't He lovely? Can you see how much He loves us? Thank God for that love..Bottom line is: YOU and only you have the power to stop yourself from doing something wrong..that power is called will power.Take care my friends..Can't wait to read your comments ;)

Blog Transferred..

Hiya ppl..I've moved my blog to here now, so i'll be posting here from now on

Nothing to say now..so i'll come back later with more :)

take care all..

Lulu